Things have been a bit quiet on the healthy homefront for me. I went to my doctor a couple of weeks ago just to check on something, and I expressed interest in getting a blood test. We discussed the condition I was afraid I might have, and she immediately started googling. I’m all in favor of technology advancing our everyday lives, but when my doctor starts googling for my diagnosis and ends at an article from about.com, I find it a bit unnerving. We decided to get a blood test just in case. Why not?

Last week I found myself at the local lab sitting in an upright chair that looked like one of those funky, swingy stools at the dentist’s office (anyone know what I’m talking about? Bueller?). A nice nurse with a booming voice showed me the four empty vials and said, “We’re gonna suck it all outta ya!”

I looked away as she drove the needle into my vein, and we made small talk about her pets. I warned her that I’m prone to fainting. She has two cats, a dog, and a pig. I asked her if they do anything for fainting. Everyone should own a pet, they help you live longer. I told her my hearing was starting to go. She lives on a farm. I told her my sight was starting to go now too. The pig is so cute— like a baby. Just when I think I can’t keep from fainting any longer, she swivels the arm of the chair in front of me and instructs me to lay my head down next to my arm that no longer feels like it has the needle, or any blood, in it.

She starts yelling for the other nurse, “Rhonda! Rhonda!” and her yelling is probably what keeps me conscious as she leaves the room. I can smell the cloud of cigarette smoke before I see Rhonda. She puts an ice pack on the back of my neck, and I realize for the first time that I have sweat running down my forehead. The ice pack gives incredible relief. Nurse Dolittle tells me next time I should warn them that I faint, and I can lie down instead. I keep my head down with my arm dangling from the chair. She tells me I look like her cat.

I’m still waiting to hear the test results, but I’m hopeful I’ll get them tomorrow or Thursday. Hopefully, there’s nothing blocking my way to reach optimum health.