I’ve always been confused by magazines about running. What in the world could they possibly have to discuss for pages and pages every month? Granted, I would imagine half the pages are Nike ads, but still. Other people have told me the magazines offer strategies for running. Strategies? For running? You mean like, “Put one foot in front of the other— quickly”? I just don’t get it, and I am learning to accept that I will most likely never love to run.

This means I need to find another way to move more. I love biking, but sometimes I talk myself out of it when I consider the hassle of setting up my bike rack, lifting my heavy bike onto the rack, filling my tires with air at the gas station, and going to the local park hoping not to get raped, mugged, or killed because my mother has instilled a grave fear in me of going to public places alone.

I like doing Yoga and other activities on my Wii Fit, but the rate of calories burned is so much slower than just sweating it out on the treadmill. I wish the Michael Jackson dance game counted calories burned. I do a lot more sweating to “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” than Tree Pose.

I like flailing about in water for extended periods of time, but I do not have access to a pool. Plus, I would not like to choose between being in the way of serious swimmers and being stuck in the shallow end with the floaties crowd. In my I-just-became-richer-than-Lovey-Howell fantasy I own a big pool in my own backyard. Until then… until then…

So I have decided to take up one of these so-called running strategies. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about The Couch to 5k Plan. Supposedly if I practice running three times a week, then I will be able to run a 5k nonstop in 9 weeks. I’m starting tomorrow. For the first practice, I warm-up with a brisk 5 minute walk (I never warm up for longer than a minute when I’m working out. I probably need to change this habit). Then alternate a minute of jogging with 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. That doesn’t sound so bad. I will probably even walk an extra ten minutes after that. Maybe slow is the way to go. Maybe the tortoise can win the race after all…